I was told a while ago there are two types of people in the world – drains and radiators.
Drains take a lot of time and energy to be around, and tend to take more than they give. They’ll come to you with their problems and issues and rarely be there when you’re in need. Spending time with a Drain will leave you feeling deflated and exhausted.
Radiators make you feel warm and comfortable. They support you when you need them, and fill your life with joy, love and laughter. Spending time with Radiators makes you feel better about yourself and the world.
The difficulty in friendships with Drains is that there must have been something that pulled you together, otherwise they would never have been your friend in the first place! You may have had a laugh, had similar interests, or simply have been thrust together as classmates or colleagues. You may have been genuinely good friends, but things have changed over time.
When seeing the vast majority of my friends I notice how easy it is to talk to them, how much I look forward to seeing them and enjoy their company and how much we look out for each other. They are always there when I need them, and vice versa, and they bring joy, happiness and laughter to my life.
I have recently found one of my friendships turning toxic. I am drained and exhausted after spending time with them, and have found myself making up excuses to avoid seeing them. My heart sinks when their name flashes up on my phone.
There are some sure-fire signs that a friendship has taken a toxic turn:
1. They don’t need you, they are needy
There is a difference between a friend in need and a needy friend. Neediness is time-consuming and exhausting for the person on the receiving end. We all need our friends for support, but beware being taken advantage of.
2. You try to avoid seeing them
Your heart sinks when their name flashes up on your phone. You’ve used every excuse under the sun to avoid spending time with them. Time to move on.
3. You feel worse after spending time with them
You may feel exhausted. You may feel bad about yourself. Whatever it may be, friends are there to bring JOY to your life, not negativity.
4. They don’t consider your feelings
Toxic friends are selfish. They won’t notice or care how much time or energy they are sucking from you. They may insult you (jokingly or otherwise), be quick to point out your flaws, ignore or resent your successes and only want to talk about themselves. Anyone who makes you feel negative, inadequate or unimportant is not worth your time.
Life is precious and far too short to spend time with people that suck your happiness and energy, aren’t there for you, make you feel bad about yourself or have selfish motives. Surround yourself with Radiators, and try to live like a radiator too ☀️.
Katie Scarlett xx